He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
