I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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