Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Still dying that you shit outside
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
