I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
