Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
