i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
