I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
