I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
