Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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