Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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