She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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