none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
