This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
