I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
