His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
