I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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