I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
