I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
