Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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