Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
