Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
