He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
