dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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