I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
