I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
