So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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