Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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