the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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