So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
