I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
