I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
