He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
