You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have post one night stand depression
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