dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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