problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
