I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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