My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
