And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
