her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
