whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
