Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
