why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
