I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
