Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
