Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
