Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
