My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
