fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
