I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
