i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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