after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
