so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
