She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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