Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
