I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
