no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's the barista slut.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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