your parents love me but you hate me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm always down for nudity.
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