He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
