you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
