I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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