Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
