my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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