Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
